An Important Message about Grwoing…

An Important Message About Growing Old      
     
 
Well CRAP!!  

Now I forgot what I was gonna tell ya!  

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Democrats–this may offend you!

Seems appropriate considering the timing….. 

While out campaigning, Old John stopped at a small village and
started
looking around for a stand to make his speech from. All he  

could
find
was a big pile of horse manure, so he climbed up on that and  

said,
“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the first time I have ever made  

a
Republican speech from a Democratic platform.  

Top Ten Signs the Guy Mugging You has NEver Mugged Before

Top Ten Signs That The Guy Mugging You Has
Never Mugged Before 

10. After taking money, asks if you want a
receipt.
9. In addition to wearing a ski mask, he’s
got skis and poles.
8. Asks you to hold his gun while he puts
on some Chapstick
7. When he’s done he says, “That was fun,
now you mug me”.
6. You’re a policeman in full uniform,
standing right in front
of the station house, surrounded by fellow
officers carrying
assault rifles.
5. When you yell “stop thief”. . .  he
does.
4. During police line-up he waves to you
and shouts “remember me”.
3. Tells you he wouldn’t be doing this if
Sienfeld hadn’t
been cancelled.
2. He keeps saying, “You understand I’m
doing this for the
baby and Marla”.
1. Accepts IOU’s…and phone cards.  

Computer REport Form–so funny!

Computer Problem Report Form  

1. Describe your problem:
__________________________________________  

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________  

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________
__________________________________________  

4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__  

5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__  

6. Is your computer plugged in?
Yes__ No__  

7. Is it turned on?
Yes__ No__  

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself?
Yes__ No__  

9. Have you made it worse?
Yes__  

10. Have you read the manual?
Yes__ No__  

11. Are you sure you’ve read the manual?
Yes__ No__  

12. Are you absolutely certain you’ve read the manual?
No__  

13. Do you think you understood it?
Yes__ No__  

14. If `Yes’ then why can’t you fix the problem yourself?  

__________________________________________  

15. How tall are you? Are you above this line?
__________________________________________  

16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the  

problem occurred?
__________________________________________  

17. If “nothing” explain why you were logged in.
__________________________________________  

18. Are you sure you aren’t imagining the problem?
Yes__ No__  

19. How does this problem make you feel?
__________________________________________ 

20. Tell me about your childhood.
__________________________________________ 

21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem?
Yes__ No__  

22. Can’t you do something else, instead of bothering me?
Yes__  

Thank you for taking the time to fill out our Computer Problems  

Form. Please allow 1-week response time so that the problem  

will resolve its self or you
will reboot your computer, most likely resolving the issue. 

_____________________________________________________________

What really Happened: a kid’s POV on the modern Christmas story

During the Sunday mass homily, the priest was telling us a story about a class of Sunday school kids drawing their versions on the theme of Flight From Egypt–when Mary and JOseph left Egypt from the reign of King Herod–and the one little boy held up his picture to the teacher. The picture was of Mary, wearing a blue veil and JOseph with a beard, sitting in the back of an airplane. “Okay,” the teacher smiled, “they’re flying a plane out of Egypt. I see who these are,” she pointed to Mary and JOseph. The boy nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah!” he affirmed. “But,” the teacher was puzzled, “I see someone’s steering the plane. who’s that?” The boy said suddenly, “Don’t you know? that’s Pontius the pilot!”

Dissecting Holiday Music

boring title, I know. But let’s brebe real here, people. Who wants to drink a cup of cheer? I mean, what would a cup of cheer taste like? How about we sing I’m Dremaing of a Black Christmas? Or, Deck the Halls with Bows of HOlly, falalalalalala, Santa Clause is fat and jolly–or was itugly? maybe, “OH, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, your brown needles are drooping….” Or, worst yet, “SCroogy Christmas, to You. They know that the Grinch is on his way. He’s got lots of coal and nightmares in his sleigh. And every mother’s brat is gonna spy, ,to see if little dogs really know how to fly….” And, look, here comes Rudolph the Snot-nosed reindeer!Ha! NEed a tissue there, buddy? Uh-oh, Carol’s on the spinnet–whatever that is–better rescue her. And when the party’s over Frosty will melt, and everyone will get five lumps of coal and by the time you’re done reading this silly post it won’t be such a wonderful time of the year in a winter wonder land, wherever that is.