It was once said that a black man would be president “When Pigs Fly.”
Indeed 100 days into Obama’s presidency. Swine Flu
May 5, 2009
December 20, 2008
An Important Message about Grwoing…
An Important Message About Growing Old
Well CRAP!!
Now I forgot what I was gonna tell ya!
December 5, 2008
October 30, 2008
Obama and Snowwhite
Snow White was preparing dinner, when she heard on the radio that there had
been an explosion down in the mine where the 7 dwarfs worked. In a state of
worry and panic, she hurried to the mine. As she entered the shaft, she
heard far off in the distance a voice saying, “Vote for Obama! Vote for
Obama!”
At this point a smile broke across her face and she said, “Well, at least
Dopey is still alive!”
October 25, 2008
October 24, 2008
You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
you lose your Balance and fall over.
6. People say: “Great Boris Karloff Mask,”
And you’re not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…”
And can’t remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night,
you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your
hairpiece.
2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the
neighborhood with a walker.
And the number one reason Seniors should not go
Trick Or Treating…
*
*
*
1. You keep having to go home to pee.
October 20, 2008
Sarah and the Pope
Sarah & The Pope
Sarah Palin is invited to meet with the Pope while he is
vacationing south of Rome n Venice .
The liberal press reluctantly watches the semi-private
audience, hoping they will be able to allot minimal coverage,
if any.
The Pope asks Governor Palin to join him on a Gondola ride
through the canals of Venice .
They’re admiring the sights and agreeing on moral issues when,
all of a sudden, the Pope’s hat (zucchetto) blows off his head
and out into the water.
The gondolier starts to reach for the Pontiff’s cap with his
pole, but this move threatens to overturn the floating craft.
Sarah waves the tour guide off, saying, ‘Wait, wait. I’ll take
care of this. Don’t worry.’
She steps off the gondola onto the surface of the water and
walks out to the Pope’s hat, bends over and picks it up. She
walks back across the water to
the gondola and steps aboard.
She hands the hat to the Pope a mid stunned silence.
The next morning the topic of conversation among Democrats in
Congress, CBS News, NBC News, ABC News, CNN, the New York
Times, Hollywood celebrities, and
in France and Germany is:
‘Palin Can’t Swim.
October 15, 2008
New Stock Market Terms
> NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
>
> CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.
>
> CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.
>
> BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
> himself for a financial genius.
>
> BEAR MARKET — A 6- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the
> wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
>
> VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
>
> P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market
> keeps crashing.
>
> BROKER — What my broker has made me.
>
> STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
>
> STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
>
> STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally
> between themselves.
>
> FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
>
> MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
>
> CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
> toilet.
>
> YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per
> share.
>
> WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @
> $240 per share.
>
> INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a
> nuthouse.
>
> PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
October 1, 2008
Democrats–this may offend you!
Seems appropriate considering the timing…..
While out campaigning, Old John stopped at a small village and
started
looking around for a stand to make his speech from. All he
could
find
was a big pile of horse manure, so he climbed up on that and
said,
“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the first time I have ever made
a
Republican speech from a Democratic platform.
March 28, 2008
Top Ten Signs the Guy Mugging You has NEver Mugged Before
Top Ten Signs That The Guy Mugging You Has
Never Mugged Before
10. After taking money, asks if you want a
receipt.
9. In addition to wearing a ski mask, he’s
got skis and poles.
8. Asks you to hold his gun while he puts
on some Chapstick
7. When he’s done he says, “That was fun,
now you mug me”.
6. You’re a policeman in full uniform,
standing right in front
of the station house, surrounded by fellow
officers carrying
assault rifles.
5. When you yell “stop thief”. . . he
does.
4. During police line-up he waves to you
and shouts “remember me”.
3. Tells you he wouldn’t be doing this if
Sienfeld hadn’t
been cancelled.
2. He keeps saying, “You understand I’m
doing this for the
baby and Marla”.
1. Accepts IOU’s…and phone cards.
