Top Ten Signs the Guy Mugging You has NEver Mugged Before

Top Ten Signs That The Guy Mugging You Has
Never Mugged Before 

10. After taking money, asks if you want a
receipt.
9. In addition to wearing a ski mask, he’s
got skis and poles.
8. Asks you to hold his gun while he puts
on some Chapstick
7. When he’s done he says, “That was fun,
now you mug me”.
6. You’re a policeman in full uniform,
standing right in front
of the station house, surrounded by fellow
officers carrying
assault rifles.
5. When you yell “stop thief”. . .  he
does.
4. During police line-up he waves to you
and shouts “remember me”.
3. Tells you he wouldn’t be doing this if
Sienfeld hadn’t
been cancelled.
2. He keeps saying, “You understand I’m
doing this for the
baby and Marla”.
1. Accepts IOU’s…and phone cards.  

Computer REport Form–so funny!

Computer Problem Report Form  

1. Describe your problem:
__________________________________________  

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________  

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________
__________________________________________  

4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__  

5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__  

6. Is your computer plugged in?
Yes__ No__  

7. Is it turned on?
Yes__ No__  

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself?
Yes__ No__  

9. Have you made it worse?
Yes__  

10. Have you read the manual?
Yes__ No__  

11. Are you sure you’ve read the manual?
Yes__ No__  

12. Are you absolutely certain you’ve read the manual?
No__  

13. Do you think you understood it?
Yes__ No__  

14. If `Yes’ then why can’t you fix the problem yourself?  

__________________________________________  

15. How tall are you? Are you above this line?
__________________________________________  

16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the  

problem occurred?
__________________________________________  

17. If “nothing” explain why you were logged in.
__________________________________________  

18. Are you sure you aren’t imagining the problem?
Yes__ No__  

19. How does this problem make you feel?
__________________________________________ 

20. Tell me about your childhood.
__________________________________________ 

21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem?
Yes__ No__  

22. Can’t you do something else, instead of bothering me?
Yes__  

Thank you for taking the time to fill out our Computer Problems  

Form. Please allow 1-week response time so that the problem  

will resolve its self or you
will reboot your computer, most likely resolving the issue. 

_____________________________________________________________

“ride” home about

The bus stop’s a crazy place, and the city bus is even crazier. You meet the strangest people there. How about the day it was actually fifty degrees and sunny–so beautiful!–here in March in upstate New York, and all these old ladies kept blabbing about at the stop was some medicine that made them all loopy and sleepy ? It drove me nuts. One morning as I was waiting for the bus for school, this one weird lady asked if I was waring eyeshadow. I said I wasn’t. I never wear makeup. Then she said how pretty I was, and then to this guy near us if he’d show me his carnations he’d bought for somebody he liked but he was all grouchy about it. The lady was all snappy over it because she wanted me to smell the flowers. Then her friend came over to join her at the bus shelter and said, pointing to me, “Isn’t she pretty?” and everyone gathered around me like i wa some statue or something. It was really uncomfortable. ON the bus itself, it can smell like wet dog, cigarrettes and beer all at once. It’s pretty amazing. And the bratty kids who get on with their mommies for the mall make my day during a fourty-five minute trip. “Mommy, I want it!” screamed the kid. “You’re being a brat,” MOm scolded, “brats don’t deserve rewards.” Then the weird guy from my writing class at school gets on. He calls me Little One, but I’m not little. I’m 5-2 and am over eighteen. He’s the one who can’t pronounce his R’s and wears a blue jacket with bright orange designs on it. Plus, his favorite word’s “wow” and the only metaphor he’s come up with for that is “excellent” when I asked him if he’d come up with one for it yet the other day. The bus driver loves yankign my chain, too. I lost my college ID but the campus security found it and I gave it to the driver since he wanted to see it. “It doesn’t look like you,” he said, his rich deep voiceAfrican-American tone giving him an even more solemn intonation. “REally?” I asked, suddenly confused. “The conplextion’s darker,” and then I suggested they had the wrong person. Then he laughed, “I’m kidding,” and handed the card back to me. I didn’t know what to say so I just said the typical dumb, “I hate you,” and he vowed not to do it again. I still haven’t come up with a good way to get him back. I was never a wisecrack like he is and never street smart, , either. One lady was so lazy she wanted off the bus at a certain part of the block and was real mean about it. “Stop here,” she snapped and the driver pounded the brakes. “Thank you ,” whined the woman as she got off. The bus started again, and the driver muttered, ‘Jeez, couldn’t even walk a few more steps,” as she braked again at the corner only about fifteen feet away from where she’d dropped the woman off. I could go on and on with this but I won’t. They should make a documentary on the day and life of a city bus driver. heck, maybe I will as a passener and all the people who get on and off. That’d be something to “ride” home about.